Endless Corridors

the closer i get to the light it seems, the farther it gets.
it sucks how one day you'll feel on top of the world and the next your will to live is virtually nonexistant. i don't know if that's just me.
there are times where i have so much hope. i look towards the future and push straight ahead through everything.
but then there are times where the hope isn't there so much anymore. i feel like the weight i have to carry is immensley increased, like wading through a swamp that's waist high.

i don't know.

since when have i actually been happy? and not feeding off of the joy i get from someone else?

i am happy when i am at the piano. but the affection you get from another human really doesn't compare.

it comes and goes i guess.
its been almost three months. why am i still counting?
i thought it was no more.

its been three months. and i've changed since then.
its been three months, and while i thought to have gotten her out of my head, these flashbacks, well they dont help my situation. its the worst, because you think about every single small detail. well i do at least.

why do we fear the inevitable?

if we do well we might as well go live in the poverty. and just die off.

it just really makes me wonder if that's done with and gone or if maybe one day, it will be what it was in the past.

not that i still have feelings for her. but the memories were nice.

just running down these endless corridors, searching for whats right. for me at least.