ahh.

its relaxing.
i get to wake up at whenever.
do whatever.
go to sleep whenver.

that sounds like a typical day.
this past weekend was interesting to say the least.
jackie jack had to leave which is depressing, and leaves me with no one to hangout with remotely close to my house which was convenient.
he's gone to annapolis for his navy shindig, then he's going to north carolina then china. i'm happy for him.
alex leaves this thursday. which is really sad cause he lived close and has a car.
i'm gonna be hanging out with alot less people in a few weeks, haha.
i was supposed to hangout with shay today, but like all good plans, they always manage to get foiled. something in me tells me that somehow they'll shine through but i doubt that.
i still haven't seen ryan, haha.
farah's doing whatever with her fancy "tumblr" so i doubt she'll be back anytime before she gets distracted.
so here i am, still here.

still here for another year at least.

college is the biggest thing that scares me.
i really would like to go to university of northern colorado, they have a bomb music program.
so maybe parents will drive me up there one day, idk.
soon enough i'll have to think about leaving home, leaving what has been created here.
this foundation was nothing short of fantastic.
despite the weather and the city i'd live in summerlin all my life.

everything is easy going. not a shady character around. (except for taco bell, of course.)
apparently it isn't okay to leave sauce on the table. haha.

i guess i'm just kinda rambling on because i'm not getting the social attention i'm used to getting everyday, which is what this blog is for.
but regardless, i hope i see more faces in the next couple of days before i leave for vacation ( which is i have no idea when )

i love how long summer days are.

summer

is just a day shy. i can't believe it.
and whats kicking in?
that lovely summer feeling of loneliness. i wonder why i'm feeling it already.
believe it or not, i'm gonna be a senior. i'm on my way to becoming someone.

at least that's what i'd like to think.

i've been thinking alot lately.(thinking is bad)
since just this past friday actually.
this year's drum major interview did not go as well as last year's.
well, because this year was a giant failure on my part.
i've wasted so much time.

time i could be using to become a better person, wasted. with what, i don't know.
leaving that brutal interview with a rubbery taste in my mouth, i realized how much of a failure i am. hell, i don't even think i'm gonna get drum major next year, when last year i was so gung ho about it.

i hate the feeling like you're doing everything wrong.
and that's how i've felt all my life.
when i think of it, i learned how to play piano wrong.
i learned how to play trumpet wrong.
when i tried doing things as a drum major, i was wrong.
wrong, wrong, wrong.

and when i feel like i'm doing something right,i am wrong.
i couldn't play the moonlight sonata worth shit.
and half of the songs i've attempted to learn i've given up on.

what the hell kind of person am i?

i'm so ready to get out of highschool.

but before then, i'm gonna set some summer goals. these goals are to be done by the end of summer.

-read at least 3 books casually.
-learn a sonata.
-play the trumpet in the center of your mouth.

i'll start there.
i need a haircut.

well i guess precalc wont study itsself.