pursuit.

the end of the year is finally in sight, and with the doing of a couple of end of the year rituals, i'll be out and a senior before i know it.

thank god.

every inch in me wants summer right now.
monday night was sheer torture. i went out with farah to get some fro-yo at uswirl after working a project at jacks, and it slapped me silly. how close summer was.

the sunset seemed to just play with the horizon.
the cool warm air embodied so many memories of last year.
its closer than i think.

we'd all like to think things don't change over summer, but let's get real.
they do. sooooo much.
for the good and the bad. my life is changing before me right now and it probably will in the next month a crapaload and i'll adapt.

agh. the torture.

/gh0st.

where is dime?

i thought he was back. hm.

catchupdrill.

back to reality, i guess.

allstate was nothing short of amazing.
i'm so happy for music. i honestly don't know who i'd be without it.
i was surrounded by a bunch of guys who loved what they did.
and i never had so much fun on stage.
rob tapper himself was inspirational.
i learned alot about life, and about people that past week.
but its over now and i have to play catch up. in literally everything.

practice schedules gonna get all fucked up cause i have so much effing homework.
my grades aren't the best right now, but i plan to fix that.
i've overcome andrea this year,
i've overcome myself,
i've over come swimming,
now i've gotta overcome my grades. i really need to pick up the slack.
as well as learning more charts.

if colman nakano's gonna wanna jam, i better have my playing in line.
colman-he's the bass player from allstate, and he doesn't live to far from me, and is a bamf. i want to jam with him real bad.

and i think of it, and i just wanna play.
don't wanna stress.
don't wanna deal with grades or anything.

but that's where i'm heading. the grades are just the car i have to ride until i get there.

so in short, i'm gonna try my best.

it also helps that someones always gonna be here for me.
having a girlfriend is a great feeling.
i'm not taking anything too seriously. at least not until summer.
cause its just highschool and i'm just dating.
you know?

well i should get back to studying.

/gh0st.

Too much dick in my life, nothing new.

I believe I find the right person for me & then they screw me over. Then I say I'm done messing with boys & then bam. 8 new guys show up.

I have 3 guys that I think are cute, but nothing too serious. I'm kinda still healing from Nathan. It sucks because, he was the one person I thought would not let me down. & he did. He proved himself no better than any of the other guys who he saw hurt me. Time after time, whats worse is the fact that he hurt me so much more than anyone has ever hurt me. I'm just glad to say that he is out of my life, so there is no need to dwell on things that are broken & impossible to fix. I have family, friends, my sisters & everyone else to be there for me. I don't need any guys to ruin this for me, but its soo hard whent they're all so adorable.

Crazy!

So I just found out Eric's going on his mission. I can't even begin to comprehend that. Eric's been such a major figure in my life, its insane. I cant even believe what it will be like, not having him around for the holidays. I can't even believe where he's going! He's going to the philippines. A part of our culture. I couldn't be more proud of him, yet worried. This is such a crazy step but of course, it has Eric written all over it. Eric never does anything halfway, its something I've always admired. This is gonna be a crazy adventure for him, but its an oppertunity for him to grow. :D

I also just found out Kira is moving at the end of this month. She's moving to Missouri with her husband, so they can go to school together and such. It's so insane to think that she won't be living here anymore. So many important people in my life are getting out there & living and experiencing life. I feel so young still considering I'm still gonna be in vegas for at least another 3 to four years.

the end where i begin

so at 1047 pm,
after a very very exhausting day.
after only getting 4 hours of rest yesterday.
on the brink of falling asleep,
i want to write a blog?

why? dunno yet. let's dig in.

alex has been here since monday, and although this week has been so unproductive,
its been so worth it.
not to sound homo, but i tried my best to cherish what we had together for these days, and it was worth the effort.
there's not much to say but that nothings really changed. for the better at least.

swimming is getting easier.
i find it super easy to past the swimmers in our lane and out swim them.
and just when we get out, i don't wanna.
cause i feel like i can just keep going on and on.
ow, my finger hurts.

so everytime,
my heart feels with disgust. because it's gross what happened.
how i was miserable for that long over something stupid like that.
its terrible and i hate it.

anyways,
i would love to type more but the bed is luring me.

/gh0st.

gh0st.

happy birthday, to me.
17 years. jeez.

anyways, this spring break has been pretty awesome for the most part despite the minor flaws, but then again what doesn't have flaws?

i've done a million things already, and one more on my list of things to do is to have a kickback for my birhtday tomorrow and i'm excited.

so these past couple days i've been at BYU.
what a great place.
these buildings, their enormous. classes in everywhich hallway and even more students to fill this campus. i see studying left and right, because these kids are trying to make a living through their studies.

17. one more year and i'm 18. i'm on my way to becoming like these college students.
pretty soon, i'll be following my dream. studying music all day everyday and never tiring from it. this new keyboard in my room is merely the start of a fulfulling life that i can't wait to get to, and is of utmost priority to me right now.

so i'll keep being me, not like i have a choice.

hopefully tomorrow goes well. not many of my best friends can make it but i wont' doubt that it'll be a good time. it's always good to see the people you live, who make your life worth living, and it'll be just that. hopefully we'll have fun.

the beginning of my birthday hasn't been the best. let's hope things get better, they always do.

/gh0st.