irritable.

judas fucking priest, man.
headaches are literally the worst thing to ever happen to man.
i think i'm driving my self insane one fucking step at a time.
god i feel lonely.

realization 4

studying looks like student and dying.

/cyborg.

N's Playlist < 3

This playlist is dedicated so someone extremely special to me. Someone who knows me better than anyone else on this planet. I love him with all my heart, but now is not our time. It's best to look forward & be there for each other no matter what! Here's to the good & the bad. The past & the Future. I love nathan dean dimalanta, more than ANYTHING.

1. Wait for you  Elliot Yamin
2. Makes me wonder  Maroon 5
3. Wake up call  Maroon 5
4. I want you back  *NSYNC
5. Bored of your love  Meg & Dia
6. Tearin’ up my heart  *NSYNC
7. Only you  Ashanti
8. Two is better than one  Boys Like Girls
9. Shake it off  Mariah Carey
10. A little too not over you  David Archuleta
11. Everything you want  Vertical Horizon
12. We belong together  Mariah Carey
13. The two of us  *NSYNC
14. Here we go again  Demi Lovato
15. I could get used to this  The Veronicas
16. Like U  Bow Wow & Ciara
17. Mine again  Mariah Carey
18. Thunder  Boys Like Girls
19. Hands down  Dashboard Confessional
20. Up against the wall  Boys Like Girls
21. In another life  The Veronicas
22. Always be my baby  Mariah Carey
23. If you see Kay  The Script
24. She will be loved  Maroon 5
25. Don’t forget about us  Mariah Carey
26. Always be my baby  David Cook
27. Addicted  Saving Abel
28. Touch my body  Mariah Carey
29. What goes around….Comes around  Justin Timberlake
30. So Lonely (One & Only Part II)  Mariah Carey
31. We belong together (Remix)  Mariah Carey
32. Do you remember  Jay Sean ft. Sean Paul & Lil’ Jon
33. Won’t go home without you  Maroon 5
34. Battlefield  Jordin Sparks
35. Love Story  Taylor Swift
36. How do you sleep  Jesse McCartney
37. Gone --? *NSYNC
38. It’s gonna be me  *NSYNC
39. Crazy for this girl  Evan & Jaron
40. Stolen  Dashboard Confessional
41. You belong with me  Taylor Swift
42. Breakeven  The Script
43. I Drive Myself Crazy  *NSYNC

new names.

from now on, i am no longer the broken heart, ryan is no longer the lost soul, and farah is no longer a (hot) mess.
jason = chimera king 30009 lion tiger man
ryan = dragon_wizard.32205.314-toyota_corolla
farah= jim bob

/cyborg.

realization 3

i'm good. i'm great. i am fine.
i really am. you know why?
i was talking to ms. froelich today.
she came up to me, i was practicing for solo and ensemble, 10 pieces.
sat next to me. and asked how i was doing.
and i can't complain.
because i'm doing what i love. i'm loving what i do.
i'm doing things to make myself feel good. gaining my confidence again.
and hopefully, finding who i am again. this isn't about the breakup anymore, its about me, finding myself.
froelich told me something i needed to hear from her voice, that girls, well right now they don't matter.
and she told me "if i was to ask you what you were passionate about and what you loved, what would you say?"
it was all clear. i pointed straight at the keys and didn't hesitate to. she said:
"music is what will make you successful.
music is what will get you into college.
music is what will make you money.
music is what you will do, and you will love what you do.
aside of that, nothing else really matters.and no one will stand in your way."

you're right froelich. you always have been.
music is where i'm going, and idk where the path will take me. but whereever it is, whatever i do, i will do what i love. and no one's gonna stop me.

they way its looking i've got a really bright future ahead of me, and i can't let anyone soil that. no matter what.
i grew up with the keys. i'm not giving up. ever.

and love, love will come.
love is patient, love is kind. love just happens.
it'll feel right, and i'll know it when it is here.
maybe it's someone i've already met. maybe its someone who i've been with, and they'll be with me again. maybe they're still out there.
but knowing that they're out there gives me hope.

maybe she's out there blogging like i am. frustrated with her love situation.
maybe she's just living her life.

but until i meet her. til love happens, i'm gonna make myself better. not for her, for me.

i'm going to prove myself wrong.

i'm going to rape solo and ensemble.
i'm going to be better than they ever expected me to be.
i'm going to play, and rock nonstop. because in the end,

this life's about me.

/cyborg.

realization 2

farah is a very hot mess.
so hot, that everybody died.

/cyborg.

How much for a piece of ass?!

Who's the SOB that alerted the media & said I wanted guys to want me just because I'm attractive?! Contrary to Popular belief, that is a FALACY. I have a brain. I have opinions. I think for myself. I read. I write. There's more to me than meets the eye. Where is that guy that's gonna step up and prove himself to me?!

I just got paid & millinium scholarship just came in. All I have to say is that its good to have some $$$. :D So good charlotte did have something going for them when they said girls dont like boys girls like cars & money. :D

realization

life without a girlfriend blows asshole.

2010. check me.

here it is. and this year feels no different as the last.
or the previous, but its funny to see how much as actually changed.
but hey, that's what the 09 blog is for, right?
i need to move ahead. straight forward.
and hey, somethings do need to change about me.
but, i'm gonna work my hardest.
i need to start looking at colleges because senior year is right around the corner.
and i need to go somewhere. maybe here, maybe not.
but we'll see.
hopefully you guys will get to the blog soon. there's too much of me.

/cyborg.